Building a stronger bond during the challenging teenage years can lead to more meaningful connections during these critical years and into adulthood.
Is talking with your teen more like a debate class than an actual conversation? Communication can become challenging, if not uncomfortable, with our children during their teens. Many parents and teens feel frustrated and disconnected rather than able to engage in open and honest communication.
Hormonal changes and normal teenage angst or rebellion can create distance between teens and their parents. Instead of spilling the beans like they did as children, teens are often on the offense and clam up when asked about their day. “Um, why do you need to know?
Ah, teenagehood! There’s no stopping it, but are there ways to flip the switch and communicate so that you and your teen feel safe sharing with each other, ensuring both sides are heard and seen. Today’s teens manage peer pressure IRL and online and cope with stressors differently than past generations. Self-expression and building resilience through a strong parental relationship are more important than ever.
Don’t delay. Start building a stronger bond with your teen today!
Only some strategies for opening the lines of communication will work with some teenagers. Parents must fill their toolkits with various approaches and be open to trying different communication styles until they find what works for their teenager and aligns with the family’s values.
One style of communication does not fit all!
Parents should stock up on patience and grace for themselves and their teens and prepare to give it time. Expect change to occur slowly. Different teens have different personalities, so they will likely have different communication styles if you have more than one teen.
Be nimble in your communication approach to each member of your family.
How you create a stronger bond and meaningful discussion with your teenager will depend on the child and the circumstances. While conversations with one child may be easy, conversations with other children in the home may feel forced. Recognizing the differences and validating the personality styles of everyone in your household pays dividends when working toward a lifelong connection.
The first step is an honest evaluation of the current relationship.
• Is your teen open to sharing with you?
• What do they talk about the most?
• What do you most frequently discuss with your teen?
• Are the majority of conversations about grades, responsibilities, chores, or schedules?
You’re in a great starting place if most conversations are parent-led about tasks, to-dos, and expectations. To improve the quality of your communication, shift the conversations to encourage your teen to talk about other areas of their life.
10 tips for talking to your teen
1. Listen More, Talk Less
When your teen opens up, focus on active listening. Ask questions based on what they share and treat their concerns seriously—even the small details.
2. Pick the Right Time
Teens often feel more talkative later in the evening. Adjust to their rhythm to create meaningful conversations when they’re ready.
3. Try Non-Verbal Communication
Write notes, text, or share a journal with your teen. Even brief replies matter—keep showing you care. Some ideas:
—”I’m proud of the way you…”
—”It was cool when you…”
—”Thanks for…”
4. Embrace the Silence
If your teen doesn’t want to talk, don’t force it. Sitting together in quiet can still strengthen your bond.
5. Don’t Take It Personally
Teens can act distant, but it’s not about you. Stay calm, step back if needed, and maintain a safe, positive space for communication.
6. Tap Into Their Interests
Learn about what excites them—music, shows, or trends. Teens value genuine curiosity over “fitting in.”
7. Drop the Ego
You don’t need to be “cool.” Focus on being dependable, supportive, and safe—they’ll appreciate that more.
8. Avoid Judgment
Instead of solving problems right away, ask open-ended questions like:
—”Tell me more about that…”
What do you think could have gone differently?”
9. Adjust Expectations
Not all talks will be deep and meaningful. Talking about the trivial or silly happenings in their lives helps build trust so that you’re the person they turn to with issues like relationships, depression, or bullying.
10. “I was wrong.”
Show humility and apologize when needed. Admitting your mistakes and being authentic leads by example and strengthens the connection with your teen.
It takes courage to remain open to new strategies when you and your teen feel misunderstood and confused during this challenging life stage. Are you ready to build a stronger bond?
Life isn’t about perfection—it’s about connection. By setting boundaries, leading with empathy, and actively listening, we can build meaningful, fulfilling bonds with our teens that grow as strong as those from their childhood. And that transition, as your teen does, into adulthood.
Need help talking to your teen? Schedule a 30 or 60-minute parent session today!